so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
