id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
