Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
