In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
try to milk me bitch
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
