So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
