Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
