I could have mohawked her pubes.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
