I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
