So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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