The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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