is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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