i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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