You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize