oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
