Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
