Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
birth control should be required to get into college
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
