If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
