I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
