i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
