Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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