The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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