he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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