Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
