Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
