is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
stop calling my apartment porn island.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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