I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
