i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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