Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
