Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Michael Bay diarrhea
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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