grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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