he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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