Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
