My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
