It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
