I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
