Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
