..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
