We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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