and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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