weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
