Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
