I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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