she looked like the bat from fern gully.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
