Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
