8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If I die, sorry about rent.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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