Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
