Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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