On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
