The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
should my penis look like a turkey
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
