shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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