I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I want to fling myself into the sun
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
