I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
