either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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