OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
