There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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