I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
