$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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