Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
