I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
