Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
