Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
