can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
