I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
