Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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