my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
