I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
