Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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