So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
