i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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