I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
