I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
